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Healing from Insecure Attachments

by Khadija Husain

1 Nov 2024

beauty

From a baby's first cry, met by a mother’s comforting touch, the fundamental human need for connection is revealed. These early interactions set the foundation for emotional bonds that influence our relationships throughout life. Cynthia Ghosn, a DHA-Licensed Psychology Technician and Early Career Professional at Thrive Wellbeing Centre, delves into the nature of insecure attachments, exploring their roots and how they shape our adult connections.


According to Cynthia, the attachments formed in childhood significantly influence how we connect with others as adults. When caregivers consistently meet emotional needs, secure attachments are likely to develop. However, when these needs are unmet or met inconsistently, insecure attachment patterns emerge. These can manifest in three distinct styles:

  • Anxious Attachment: Often a result of inconsistent caregiving, anxious attachment leads to a fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance. Adults with this attachment style may grapple with low self-esteem, find it hard to communicate their needs, and often become overly dependent on their partners for validation. This dynamic can challenge the maintenance of healthy boundaries and emotional regulation in relationships.

  • Avoidant Attachment: Stemming from emotionally distant caregiving, avoidant attachment results in a reluctance to form close emotional bonds. Those with this style tend to suppress emotions, avoid conflict, and prize independence as a form of self-protection. As a result, forming deep, meaningful connections can be difficult, as emotional vulnerability is perceived as a threat.

  • Disorganised Attachment: Originating from environments where caregivers are sources of both comfort and fear, disorganised attachment leads to confusion in relationships. Adults with this style may alternate between seeking closeness and withdrawing out of fear, resulting in unpredictable behavior. Trust and security often feel elusive, complicating both personal and professional connections.


Cynthia references a recent study conducted by Madigan (2023), which found that while 51.6% of individuals exhibit secure attachment styles, 48.4% experience insecure attachments. Of the latter group, 10.2% fall into the anxious category, 14.7% are avoidant, and 23.4% display disorganised attachment patterns. These figures underscore the prevalence of attachment-related struggles and highlight the importance of addressing these issues to improve emotional health and relationship quality.



Cynthia Ghosn

"Awareness is the first step," Cynthia explains. Therapy offers a transformative path for individuals seeking to break the cycles of insecure attachment. One effective approach is Emotion-Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), which helps clients understand their attachment history and foster healthier emotional connections. This method focuses on recognizing childhood attachment dynamics, processing those emotions, and actively working towards improved emotional regulation.


In addition, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps address negative thought patterns, while Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages mindfulness and self-compassion. Together, these therapeutic approaches equip individuals to manage emotional responses, rebuild trust, and develop more secure, fulfilling relationships.


As Cynthia notes, "Healing from insecure attachments allows individuals to develop a deeper sense of self-awareness and emotional well-being." By recognizing and reshaping their attachment patterns, people can create more meaningful personal connections, leading to greater emotional stability and a healthier, more balanced life. As we navigate the complexities of modern living, it’s essential to remember the wisdom of Dr. Sue Johnson: "To be human is to need others, and this is no flaw or weakness."




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